Today I want to share a very deep emotional message and I pray that my words will be received with the grace it is intended. I would like to ask that you consider praying before you read any further. This is something that is very near and dear to my heart and it’s time that I speak up about this.
Some of you are aware that I have gone through a lot of turmoil since my family departed from a cult. We have had to really wrestle with our beliefs and ask some very tough questions to help us sort through the very twisted teachings we were under for 15 years.
{photo credit Clarissa Rose}
During this journey, I lost some online friends. I am not going to hold anything against them for unfriending me on Facebook, unfollowing me on Twitter, or for unsubscribing from my blog. I don’t blame them one bit. I’ve done my best to keep my toughest conversations reserved for my Facebook account where I was able to find a lot of support to help me sort through a lot of things. To some of these friends…they probably viewed me as ‘going down a slippery slope’. They were simply afraid and I’m so sorry that anything I have questioned had caused them to be afraid for me or for themselves. That was never my intention.
I have also had some friends who have remained connected to me. I am so beyond thankful for them! They have not always agreed with some of the things I have questioned, but they remained friends with me and loved me anyway. I can’t even begin to describe to you how much this has meant to me. They didn’t give up on me.
There have been some who, when I have questioned some things..have actually said, “Then throw the whole bible out!”
Can I just express to you how incredibly damaging that is to a person’s faith in Jesus?
I’m not sure these people who say these things are even aware of the damage they cause with statements like that. Walking with Jesus is not a race to cram a bunch of bible interpretations into our heads. Give people some space, some time, and a lot of grace to sort things out. Just because they may need to put some beliefs on a shelf for now, doesn’t mean they have to throw the whole bible out. It certainly doesn’t mean that they have to walk away from Jesus if they reject some ‘doctrine’.
So many times, more and more Christians are pushing people away from fellowship if they don’t line up with x,y,z. Can I share from my own personal experience what this is like for those being pushed away?
It’s incredibly painful to be rejected by those who are supposed to be there to help us sort through these things in life. When a person is wrestling with their beliefs, why are so many so quick to cast them off to fend for themselves?
We need you.
Those of us who have been so deeply wounded by twisted teachings….we need time to figure things out. We need to know that we’re still loved while we seek the Lord for help to sort through what is productive belief and what is not. You see, there are a lot of Christians who have been fed some very bad fruit. It gets to the point where any “fruit” looks bad to us. We get to the place where it’s very hard to trust what is good and what is not. Because for far too long we fed on bad fruit that poisoned our thinking process. While some Christians mean well, cramming what they think is good fruit down our throats will only choke us.
Even if it IS good fruit.
We need time to cut our ‘food’ into bite sized pieces and start re-introducing food a little at a time. Please be patient with us while we inspect all of our meal very closely. We don’t intend to be skeptical or without faith. We’re just trying to be wise so we don’t fall victim to leaning on someone else for our ‘nutrition’ again.
You may think you have all the right answers, but sometimes those answers had been twisted in our former churches so at first glance all we see is a big mess. Please don’t take that personally. It’s not that we reject Jesus, we just are trying to figure out how the bible got so twisted and it takes time to see God unravel those things for us. We need to be able to wrestle with the tangled mess and inspect it to see if there are any treasures that we can dig out and keep.
We need grace from our Christian sisters. We need to know that you aren’t going to cast us off. We need to know that we’re still included in the Kingdom.
Sure, we know Jesus still includes us…but we need to know that our sisters still include us. Even if we disagree on how we view the Kingdom. It’s a vast Kingdom. While it may be snowing in one corner of the Kingdom it may be sunny and hot in another. We don’t need to fight about it. When we describe what we’re seeing in the Kingdom, give us grace? Our experiences are going to be different. There are valleys, desserts, and mountain tops in the Kingdom. We’ll each travel through different lands in this Kingdom, through different seasons, but it’s still the Kingdom.
It’s ok if you don’t want to pass through the dessert with someone who is. But can you love us while he takes us down that path?
Sometimes we pass through very cold winters in the Kingdom. You don’t have to walk the icy paths with us, but can you love us with warmth during our journey?
We need you.
Our sisterhood should not be made to feel as though they’ll be cast off by one another when they need to speak up about what they’re going through. Even if they are questioning long held traditional beliefs.
We need you to stand by us , especially when we’re questioning long held traditional beliefs.
It doesn’t mean you have to agree with us or even put a stamp of approval on our journey.
We just need to know that you love us while we try to sort things out.
Can I make this more personal now?
*I* need you.
I want to continue in my faith in Jesus and I need others who have faith in Jesus.
He has brought me through a lot of valleys, he has put me on treks that climb rugged mountains, he has asked me to pass through some really rough rapids and I don’t always understand why. Only He can reveal that to me.
But while he does… I still need you.
Please don’t give up on me.
Thank you for sharing, thank you for challenging me in how I relate to others, may God be the source of comfort and knowledge you need and rely upon!
I’m sorry to hear of your struggles with other believers. I truly don’t understand why the church does this. I’m hearing more and more stories like this. Grace, mercy and love seems to be thrown out the window.
I pray that you and your family may find peace in Jesus and grace among his people.
Kathi, I am trying to understand those who push away.. I believe it has to do with fear. And I am now at the place where I just think they need as much grace as I do.
I can’t even tell you how much I related to this. It’s like you wrote this straight out of my own soul, minus the cult part. So many are so quick to judge and so few offer the true gift of friendship- love and acceptance- kindness. I’m in tears as I even type this. I’m praying for you and I hope with all of my heart that you find the answers that you need.
Yay you! It’s about faith, not religion. It’s about relationship to God, not about the Law. It’s about what Jesus puts into hearts, not what men put into brains. I am happy for you because you know that.
It is sad and sometimes very hurtful to be pushed away because of doctrines and religious beliefs. I grew up a pastor’s son so I had my fair share
But I believe the important thing is to cling to Jesus with all we got and not give up.
It’s so worth it.
You are not alone.
May I just say *thank you*? Thank you for sharing your hurt heart and helping me understand you better.
May I also apologize? For being “one of those” who didn’t understand your situation and thought your controversial posts on Facebook were to simply cause controversy and debate? I am so sorry. I knew you were on a journey, but I didn’t realize how deep that went. I am learning, too. I am learning about grace and I am beginning to learn about what it truly means to love others.
Lisa, I know I haven’t always agreed with everything you said but you are a sister in Christ and your love for the Lord is evident. Being in agreement 100% of the time is not what unifies us. It is Christ and love that unifies us.
God bless you Lisa and I hope you’ll forgive me and we can restore and build a friendship. I’ll miss hugging your neck at Relevant.
I am in tears…. I have missed you so much, Christin. I sneak over to your blog every now and then. Thank you for your gracious words when I comment and your recent article was awesome. I do wish I was going to Relevant, maybe next year. ((hugs)) Lets journey through grace together.
Thank you so much for your encouraging words. I deeply appreciate them. I am glad for your grace. Truly. (((Hugs)))
I so empathize with this, as another sister in Christ who grew up in a cult with some very unfortunate teachings. I have found it to be so true in my experience as well, that even good fruit and good teachings, if forced on one, becomes just another source of fear and damage. Those wounds we carry go deep and take a long time to heal. At one point in my journey, I had to disconnect myself from pretty much everything but Jesus Himself- which isn’t so bad, after all, as He is the source for everything else anyway! Thank goodness for Jesus, and those who have grace enough to just love us along the entire journey.
Lisa, I remember way back when you first started this journey, and that I didn’t understand it. I had to back away for a while because of what I saw as so much negativity coming from your tweets and blog,(I don’t handle negativity well because of my own spiritual journey and upbringing) but I always liked you. Meeting you in person at Relevant last year, and that semi-intense talk we had Sunday morning, made me realize that you have grown (so much) and this journey you’re on will probably come full circle. That being said, I respect that this is your faith walk and while I know God’s truth will come through, it’s you he’s working on right now. No one else has the right to step in and tell you how you can or can’t question the Father. He can stand under our scrutiny!
I don’t always agree with some of the ways you are searching or the things you post, but you are my friend and I respect YOU for your transparency in this. I can only echo a passed-on, gentle seeker/pastor friend of ours when he said once, “Be careful not to be SO open minded that your brains fall out.”
Love you friend!
I think my brains did fall out at one point. *giggle* and yes, He can stand up under scrutiny. I needed to know if what I believed was what *I* really believed. And I need to be able to laugh at some of the things I used to believe…so I don’t go insane questioning why I followed such twisted teachings. Now I am rediscovering who Jesus is to me and I’ll confess…the Old Testament God scares me in a very bad way. I don’t know if I’ll fully recover from how he was introduced to me. From my old perspective he was very much like Fred Phelps. *shudder* I’m still trying to re-inspect the OT. I’m focusing on Jesus though. He is my Savior.
Lisa, I was the same way about the God of the Old Testament, but you know what I learned? When Jesus died, He absorbed all that wrath and so much more. Let’s learn together!
I so understand your need to question Lisa – as I have shared with you before, I was Christian once and I struggled with so many of the same issues and questions. I respect you deeply for following your conscience and asking yourself difficult questions relative to your faith. So many people just believe blindly in their faith and don’t scrutinize why they believe it -or the ramifications of their belief and behavior, and judge those that question for doing so. Many people do not understand what a difficult but deeply needed process that questioning ones faith is. I really am glad to have the honor of being one of the ones that you have opened up to about this process. I hope that you find the answers you seek so that your faith is even more meaningful to you. *hugs*
Thank you, Stella… I’m gonna hold you to that coffee too, by the way
Lisa, I am so sorry that you and your family have had such a hard time. I know what it is like to be pushed away, looked at as if you have become “evil”. We are just getting to know one another, but I offer my support and that of my family. Our paths to divinity differ, but at the same time your heart has touched me time and again. People need to know and realize the need to question isn’t a way of walking away from one’s faith, but deepening it. Especially if you have had the kind of damage done to your hearts as you have. As always, we send you light & love & peace. May your steps never falter, may the strength of your Lord flow through you and yours. Blessed be.
wow Kelly.. this.. “People need to know and realize the need to question isn’t a way of walking away from one’s faith, but deepening it.” << so true! All this questioning has deepened my faith for sure. I don’t know where the fear of questioning and the threat of “you might lose your faith by doing so” came from, but I most certainly didn’t lose my faith. I feel like he’s given me a better perspective.
Lisa, I’ve watched you grow and your heart soften by your relationship with Jesus. Someone recently advised me “don’t be addicted to the approval of others.” Speak from the heart and speak for an Audience of One. You will lose friends, and they may return. You will make people angry, and God uses this to help them grow spiritually. Keep your heart and mind of the things of God, not on people or what they think of you. Jesus did not seek the approval of men and women. He followed God’s direction alone.
Be the woman who hears the Shepherd when He calls. Be the woman who listens to her heart. Be the woman who knows where the Holy Spirit is leading. Be the women God created, not the woman the world created. You are loved.
Christine @LifeVerse
Thank you, Christine. I have always valued our conversations on the supernatural things of Christ. Thank you so much for your encouragement. I’m on the edge of my seat with a heart that hears.
Thank you Sister Lisa, your braveness is so encouraging. I have left the institution (over 2 years ago), but my religious family doesn’t know it yet. Their (narrow, religious) minds couldn’t fathom that I would find life outside the cult and still be accepted by God.
I enjoy reading your blog and FB posts, dreaming of a time when I can ‘come out of the closet’ and let them know I’m living quite happily and prosperously in the wild.
Dearest one, I had no idea about your background. I did not know of this journey. You have expressed yourself so well, so winsomely, that I can say that God is doing a mighty work in you. Your words make me stop and think. Thank your for being brave enough to post this. I am challenged to reach out more, to look past the surfaces, to love the sister… God bless you! And thank you.
Maggie
Thank you, Maggie. It’s such a breath of fresh air to have pillars like you in the Christian Community.
What a lovely, heartfelt post and SO SO true! Thank you, Lisa. Thank you. xoxox.
Lisa, I left a Christian cult 8 years ago. Don’t stop asking the questions, no matter how ugly or angry or “wrong” they seem. You will find people who will take the journey with you.
And if you lose some of your old friends, you have some new ones that won’t give up on you. E.V.E.R.
Thanks, Julie. It’s been quite an experience and I’ll be sharing it in my upcoming book.
Spot on! I was taught back when I was saved that it was not necessary to believe in the Bible…just in Jesus. Since it takes in-dwelling of the Holy Spirit to really understand God’s Word, that takes time as the Spirit works. I was saved nearly 30 yrs ago and I still find portions I don’t get or “believe” or like. But I trust in Him…that is what is necessary. It wouldn’t be called one’s Walk with Christ if it weren’t a journey…lol…I am soooo loving your blog which I connect to through FB. I am a Bapti-Celt…lol….mostly Celtic but Baptist in terms of position of baptism. I have dear friends of many faiths. In fact, I have a witch friend who calls me her muse cus I suggested the title of a book she wrote. Lol…I use her books (with tweaks) for my own private spiritual practices. Conversations with her have deepened and strengthened my faith in ways convos with fellow believers haven’t….
I like to think that rooted people are past knee-jerks…it’s the reactive ones that display their immaturity in the Lord. Big hugs and best wishes on your path…blessed be!