equality

New Fashioned Wife

September 10, 2012 by Lisa Leave a Comment

I spent many years being the dutiful subservient wife in hopes that I would see the blessings of God on our marriage, but reality ran smack dab into us both as the ‘try harder to be obedient’ dogma began tearing us apart. This is the startling truth of how living by the letter of the Law kills a relationship. This story of ours is what many authors, public speakers, and church leaders don’t want us to know. They have made a lot of money on their books, videos, and conferences with their “how to” formats of having the “biblical marriage you’ve always dreamed of”. This kinda of marriage teaching created a twisted maze that snared us in a web of deceit and we were both placed into bondage.

This ‘biblical marriage’ philosophy was a trap that imprisoned us.

We found that the patriarchy lifestyle created laziness and dependency in both sides of the marriage. It created a laziness in me as a wife, since the husband was supposed to make all the decisions, make the money, pay the bills and lead the family spiritually. I became dependent upon him. It created laziness in my husband since I did all the cooking, cleaning laundry, and obediently said ‘yes’ to everything he dictated. He became dependent on me. At any time one of us could not uphold our responsibilities the other would be left without. When we failed each other, it created anger and bitterness. We were both exhausted!

I was supposed to obey 100%! He was supposed to provide 100%! The letter of this Law was killing us. Our ship was full of wholes and water was pouring in. We couldn’t keep up and we were sinking. Neither one of us could be the perfect spouse. The economy took a dive and we had to learn to work our business together. Oh I kicked and screamed about it. It wasn’t MY responsibility to provide for the family. He kicked and screamed about it. It wasn’t his responsibility to cook dinner! That ‘biblical marriage model’ wasn’t working in our situation.

Then we discovered a valuable treasure… the marriage of grace.

Our journey out of the cell and into the wild blue yonder of marriage was not easy. We had stormy days, thundering nights, and weekends where our boat capsized! We learned quickly that teaming up together to save our ship was our only hope. In doing so we had to begin offering each other mercy in our marriage. Everyone has bad days, but if we tried harder to practice ‘biblical marriage’ then we ended up back in the prison cell. We had to work our way through it and find out what a marriage of grace looked like.

When we married, we became a partnership. In any good partnership there must be give and take, grace and mercy, uplifting and correction; but to do so without love would be destructive.

Love is our foundation.

Battling the old mind set of the patriarchy is a journey that requires a lot of grace and mercy, while knowing the love is what will keep us anchored. Storms continue to come in life. We were never promised smooth sailing in this life. If I were to go out on a sailboat, I wouldn’t want a captain that only had experience sailing on perfect days. I would want a captain who had a lot of experience saving his boat on very stormy days. This is how I would know I could trust him to take me out to sea. Our marriages do not stay docked in the harbor. We sail on the seas of life every day and we need to know how to be anchored firm and to navigate through high winds and giant waves.

When you have a captain with this kind of experience then you’ll feel much safer leaving that harbor and sailing around the world!

We knew that we needed to put our trust in our Great Captain as he launched our ship out to sea. He taught us many valuable lessons about team work, mercy, grace, and love. We’ve gone through some tragic storms together, but our Captain knew how to guide us to the Lighthouse that helped us keep our focus so we wouldn’t hit the rocks.

Life is so much more adventurous out to sea than in the harbor. You can remain tied up to the dock and become well versed in the how to’s of sailing, but until you gain the experience of a sailor, you’re still a wharfie. God didn’t gift us with faith so we could stay docked. He gave us faith so we could set sail.

This is the life of a New Fashioned Wife. Setting sail with my husband, trusting in God and learning by experience that marriage can be new fashioned. Marriage can be an equal partnership in Christ and not a patriarchy. Set sail today and experience the adventurous life of a New Fashioned Wife whose identity is in Christ.

Join me each week as we take a look into the life of a New Fashioned Woman.

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Filed Under: New Fashioned Women Tagged With: Christ, equality, grace, marriage, new fashioned, new fashioned women, obedience, patriarchy

A Sisterhood of Ministers

May 20, 2012 by Lisa 2 Comments

It’s been a long held protest, about women in ministry. The debate continues even today in the twenty-first century where women can vote, hold public office, and even own her own land. However, holding any sort of position of ministering (other than Nursery Director or Bridal Shower Leader) is out of the question in many churches. I don’t want to begin yet another battle using verses like swords and slash male leaders for this ongoing oppression and rejection of women, but I do want to talk to you…my sisters…about being a minister.

Some women find it offensive to be encouraged in her position of ministering to children. Can I just say, my sweet friends, that not many men have the patience that we do to be with small children for hours on end. The opportunity that many of us have to minister to our own children and other moms at play group is just as important as preaching from a pulpit. In fact, it just may be a higher honor because we get to influence children with the tenderness of the Holy Spirit that many women can give. I’m not saying men can’t do this, but on average more women have more tenderness in ministering to children and other women than men do. Small children are like little sponges soaking up every ounce of Living Water that we can offer them. Many women are more likely to receive spiritual guidance from our own sisterhood than she will from a man.

I know there are many women who honestly believe God has called them to other positions in organized ministries and I’m not going to argue that. I would like to be of encouragement though, that Jesus wasn’t all too interested in holding any sort of position among the religious leaders of his day. I’m not going to refute holding a position in an organized church structure, but has our drive to lead caused us to drift off course and get tangled up in the show of ministry? Have we lost the heart of a quiet and meek spirit of love that embraces people where they are? Did we forget that our brother Jesus said that the greatest among you is the servant?

Yes, I used that ‘filthy’ word, servant. The word that causes many women to cringe and scowl, because it’s a trigger word that reminds them of slavery and bondage. I’m not meaning to condemn those in our sisterhood that don’t serve in the same ways other women do. I would never want to manipulate or condemn a sister into doing something she doesn’t feel is genuine from her heart. It’s a lot more enjoyable to do what’s in our hearts than to try and do something that isn’t and hope our hearts conform. It would be a travesty if a woman felt oppressed into doing something and she end up feeling like she’s in bondage.

This word we use called ‘minister’ has taken on a form that I don’t think was ever a part of what Jesus had in mind. When we offer support to one another, a shoulder to cry on, a warm embrace in tough times, or even sending a card in the mail is a form of ministering. The Gospel is the Good News that God reconciled us to himself through Christ. It doesn’t take a lofty position, title, or even a seminary degree to minister to souls. All it takes is a heart of compassion that seeks to be supportive.

While praying for and working towards female equality in ministry is important, lets not get distracted by this ‘women in ministry’ battle when there are precious souls in our everyday lives that are longing to be loved on.

With warm hugs,

Sisterlisa

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Filed Under: Faith, Relational Tagged With: Christian ministry, church, equality, ministering, ministry, serving, sisterhood

Day 4 Reigning in Equality

October 13, 2011 by 1 Comment

Welcome to day 4 of 5 Days to Becoming Goddess of Your Home. Today I want to share my heart with you about reigning in equality in the home with your spouse. This can be a difficult concept for a partnership that has been under a patriarchy teaching in the past, and I will be expounding more on this topic at another time. When my husband and I left a patriarchy type church, we went through a major shift in how we reigned together in the home. By no means are we the best role model for reigning in equality in the home, but we do our best to continue to learn to be humble and balanced as equal partners.

I’m going to share just a few thing to consider in having an equal partnership.

1. Realize that you both have strengths and weaknesses. Self evaluation is a must before you can even think about what your spouse’s weaknesses are. If we aren’t careful we can run into the trap of thinking we’re somehow superior to the other and then a power struggle begins. We want to avoid that! Ask your spouse if he is willing to sit down and go over a few things together. Determine that you will each write out a list of your strengths and weaknesses in regards to your marriage and home. Then put the lists side by side and determine which of you will be responsible for each thing based on what your strengths are. Many times where one is weak the other is strong.

2. Be willing to assist one another in the areas of weakness without condemnation or belittling. It’s far too easy to get lost in a groove of complaining and belittling. This is part of our human nature..to take the road of least resistance. We need to push against that grain and build each other up with encouragement. I’m not fond of the idea that whatever area you’re weak in, that you never have to take care of those things. If something were to happen to your spouse, you would need to know how to survive in that area without him. Seeking each other out for help every now and then is great, but avoid becoming an enabler to each other.

3. Determine that you will not reprimand each other. We aren’t children and shouldn’t be treated as such. If there is a situation where one of you is struggling with, take some time to discuss it when neither of your emotions is running high. Sometimes you might want to wait a day or two then approach each other gently and with support. This is always best to be done in private away from ear shot of the rest of the family.

4. Be ready to apologize. We’re all going to falter when it comes to respecting each other, but be quick to apologize…and mean it. Don’t try to cover something with a flippant apology when you’re not truly sorry. Sometimes it’s better to say “I’m not dealing well with this.” Then take a cooling off time before discussing a matter again. If you’ve blown it in front of the children, apologize to them.

5. Have a united front with children. Sure there might be times when one of your is unreasonable with the children and the children might go to the other parent for help. Sometimes we do have to be a mediator between the other spouse and the kids. Listen to the child explain their side of the story, then assure them that you will be speaking to that parent about the matter. When you get together with your spouse to discuss it, come to a final decision together and approach the child with your firm answer and be loving. If your children think you are on equal footing with them in the eyes of the other spouse, they will surely take advantage of that at some point. The ‘authority’ of the home needs to be equal and united.

Being on equal footing is something that requires a lot of balance through grace and patience. It is in my opinion that any sort of hierarchy leadership in the home is simply an easy way out for a couple. I believe this would lead a family into a mindset of superiority over the wife and children and increase laziness and a demanding spirit in the husband. If a husband thinks he’s the final and ultimate authority then he has omitted the need for accountability in his own home and our human nature is more likely to fall into a trap that otherwise could have been avoided.

We all need to practice humility in the home in order to maintain a balance of mutual love and respect.

Day 1 Respecting and Honoring Your Deity

Day 2 Renewing Your Mind About You

Day 3 A Goddess Perspective of Your Home

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